At
times, you find yourself stymied in life, chronically frustrated in your
failure to pursue or achieve your goals. Or you may notice a series of
events in your life that spell out an unhealthy pattern such as in
male/female relationships, or repetitive self-defeating behaviors. You ask
yourself: Why haven’t I reached my acknowledged goals or style of life, or
why am I not even on the path that I wish to pursue? Why am I repeating old
patterns knowing all the while that they are getting me nowhere? You might
have already concluded that there is a need for changes in your thinking,
emotional attitudes, view of self and others, view of life in general, and
for changes in behavior including with whom you associate and how your time
is spent. Whatever coping attempts you have been made in the past may have
helped somewhat but have failed to solve the problem.
You know that you need professional help.
We
begin the process of therapy by delineating your problem and setting goals.
We then explore your frustrations and unhappiness, and go into the reasons
for the failure of your past and present coping strategies. We then proceed
into self-exploration and self-knowledge sometimes with the help of self-administered questionnaires
or computer-scored standardized
psychological tests. Psychotherapy is an exploratory, educational
and transformational experience with you being both the subject and object of
study and change. Many centuries ago, the Delphic Oracle put it: “Know
Thyself.”
Self-knowledge
includes understanding how your early experiences in life at home, school, and
social relationships affected your growth and development, and how personal
traits and needs interacted with the total social environment to help shape
your personality. But self-knowledge is only the first step. Psychotherapy
also involves change and transformation. Admittedly, it is hard to rethink
one’s philosophy, forsake old habits and patterns –and sometimes ties. It
takes courage to develop a different self-concept, forge ahead into new
unexplored areas and experience new ways of thinking and behavior. People seek
out therapy when they are unhappy with their lives. No psychologist will
guarantee you happiness, but with therapy the possibilities for
self-realization are increased and the rewards can be immensely fulfilling.
Individuals
enter psychotherapy for still other reasons. These include emotions, thoughts,
or behaviors that interfere with self-realization in personal or professional
settings. These disorders may also include feelings of despair or depression,
hopelessness, anger, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, social inhibitions,
phobias, post traumatic stress, obsessive-compulsive ideation or behavior,
sexual problems, drinking problems, chronic low self esteem, lack of self
assertion, etc.. I am very experienced in helping individuals with these
problems and will bring to the fore my multivariate training to help you find resolution
to your difficulties. Although there is no guarantee that psychotherapy
will help everybody, many studies have shown that psychotherapy has been
successful in transforming people's lives.
D. WHEN IS
PREMARITAL COUNSELING NECESSARY?
In view of my additional training, supervision, licensure and
practice as a Marriage Counselor I have worked with many couples
who love each other and are struggling to make their relationship work, as
well as situations where one person questions his own –or his partner’s
love or commitment to the relationship. Couples who seek premarital counseling
find themselves chronically fighting, arguing futilely, or withdrawing from
each other. Sometimes the problems lie within the different philosophies,
expectations, or needs of each member of the couple. At other times, the
underlying problem relates to personal shortcomings including immaturity or
lack of developed social skills of one or both partners. These include lack of
consideration or sensitivity, lack of respect, need to control, poor
communication skills, untrustworthy behavior, short-temperedness, or other
problems. In certain cases there is a desire discrepancy in important areas
such as need for conversation, affection, sex, time together, recreation,
spending habits, style of life, among others.
My dual practice as a Psychologist and Marriage
Counselor makes me very experienced with the above mentioned problems with
unmarried as well as married couples. I am also sensitive to issues relating
to interpersonal and in-law problems stemming from differences in ethnicity,
culture, family values, and/or beliefs regarding gender-based roles and
responsibilities.
Premarital counseling is seen as an educational
experience which emphasizes (1) self knowledge and understanding your own
needs, (2) knowing your partner and his/her needs, (3) the acquisition
of constructive interactive and communication skills (4) the promotion of mutual understanding
and respect, (5) acceptance of each other as an independent and valued
individual, (6) a healthy appreciation of enlightened self-interest, and (7)
an equal commitment to one’s own happiness and the happiness of your
partner.
I also conduct workshops for small groups of
couples (1) to teach communication and problem-solving skills, (2) to foster
self-understanding, self-revelation, mutual
recognition and appreciation, and (3) to develop of a sense of harmony,
compatibility and companionship in your relationship.
For
more information on my services to couples (premarital or married) please
visit my other website: www.MarriageCounselorNJ.com.
SUMMARY
Because of my varied training in different
therapeutic modalities, many years of continuing education, college teaching,
my dual professional licensure and practice as a psychologist and marriage
counselor, my three decades of professional experience as a Staff Psychologist
and/or Supervisor in varied mental health settings, and the broad range of
clients seen in my private practice, I will approach your individual or couple
problems with a richer perspective and insight.
I am readily available phone or email to help
you ascertain your counseling needs or goals or explain my services or
approach to counseling and psychotherapy. I will be happy to hear from you,
answer your questions about the process, appointments, fees, insurance
reimbursement, etc., and will not charge for an email or telephone
consultation.
Inquiries
Welcome
Please
Call Dr. Reuben Gross at (201) 837-0066
Email:
PsychologistNJ@msn.com
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